Is it possible to make room in your heart for a second child? This is a question I asked myself so many times while pregnant with our second. I remember crying any time I thought about Nash, our first, having to share our attention with his new sister. “Nash is just going to be put on the back burner,” is what I recall telling Nathan in tears as we were days away from my induction date. He assured me it all would be “ok.” However, it didn’t matter what anyone told me. My heart was breaking. Nash was the center of our lives. Our world revolved around him. How would it be possible to give this much love to our second child. I really struggled with this.
This was a recurring question I would toss around in my head, even before I got pregnant with LeeAnn. Being Nash’s mom was my favorite role. I tried (and often failed) to be the best mom to him. Give him as much attention, love and experiences as possible. I felt like I was doing ok. But there was NO way I would be able to be a “good” mom to TWO. I didn’t even consider myself to master the “good mom” role with one child.
Flashing back to my childhood, my siblings and I would always joke with our parents and ask, “Which one of us do you love more?” My mom would always repeat the same phrase, “You don’t love one of your children more than the other.” Before I was a mom, I didn’t understand how that could be possible.
On April 30th 2018, we held our baby girl in our arms for the first time. I realized the love I had for LeeAnn was completely different than the love that I had for Nash. No one love was greater than the other. However, it was different. The love of each child is so unique to them and who they are. It was not possible for my heart to make room for a second child, it truly had to double in size. In fact, my love for Nash, our first, grew. I loved him even more than I ever had. Our love for LeeAnn was completely different, she was our princess. A true angel. I never imagined loving another human as much as I loved Nash. It is truly the work of The Lord how, in one second you love this new human as much as you love your first. Its a different kind of love, its a new love.
They are completely different. Their stories. Their births. Their personalities. Their traits. But the love of the two of them in immeasurable and unexplainable.
Mamas who are asking themselves, is it possible for my heart to make room for another child, the answer is, No. Your love will not be shared between children. The love for your first will grow. Your love for your second will be the same, yet completely different. Your heart capacity will in fact double, not be divided in two.
